Why is a Raven Like a Writing Desk?
by kissoftheblackrose
Summary: Whatever happened to the suits? You know the Ace, the Club, and the Diamond. Alice once battled against the fearsome Queen of Hearts. Now, she must take part in a deadly game to protect Wonderland from the rest. movie-verse. AliceXHatter
1. Why Is a Raven Like a Writing Desk?

Hey guys! Well, apparently I'm one of the few who did enjoy the movie made by Tim Burton, and I saw it the day it came out. Ever since I've been working on the first chapter of this. I hope you enjoy, and if you please, I wouldn't mind a little constructive critisism. I really wish to improve in my writing, and I believe I did pretty well with this. And no, I don't think Stephen is the name of Lord Ascot. Heck, I'm not even sure if that was supposed to be his last name. If you know, please tell me and if I'm wrong, I'll fix it. Thank you and I hope you enjoy. It is a tad shorter than normal though.

* * *

Alice sat with her hand firmly placed beneath her chin. She'd been pondering a question in her mind for some hours now. Lord Ascot, her partner, had been drumming on the dark wood table with his fingers. He'd come to Miss Kingsly's home in order to discuss some new business ideas. However, he'd unfortunately set a date that wasn't so… convenient. Even as he walked into the room, Sir Ascot found Alice sitting in a plush chair, deep in thought. An hour or so went by without as much as a word from the twenty year old.

Finally, the lord could no longer take it. A horrid thud, courtesy of the man's fist against the table, echoed in the lavish room. "Miss Alice," Sir Ascot's voice shook, "if you **please.**"

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Alice suddenly said, completely ignoring the question thrown at her. Her brown eyes had not moved an inch from their fixated position on the small coffee table set next to her chair.

"WH-what on earth are you blabbering on about now?" Ascot questioned, confused beyond all reckoning. He'd been one of the few to accept the girl's curious musings as more than ideas induced by madness. Still, this was far too ridiculous for even him to tolerate.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" the girl repeated, finally looking up at her partner.

Ascot sighed. "I haven't the slightest idea," he said, massaging his now-aching forehead. This young girl was simply too much. A 'hm' was the only reply the lord earned. About another minute went by before Ascot lost his patience fully. "**Alice Kingsly**!" he shouted with another pound of his fist, "Can we **please** get on with our business meeting!"

"Hm?" Alice looked up at the older man and realization dawned on her features. "Oh. Oh!" she gasped, "Oh I'm _so_ sorry, Stephen! I didn't mean to-"

"Just-"Stephen said, holding up his hand, "Never mind what you _meant_ let's just discuss the matters of the growing trade."

"Yes sir," Alice nodded.

~*~

Truly, Alice really _hadn't_ meant to day dream about that silly riddle. However there was a ridiculously nagging little termite at the back of her mind. The twenty year old could somehow recall that it had been festering there since her last… adventure had ended.

Of course she knew it was silly. Even Alice had to admit that. The Mad Hatter himself couldn't come up with his own ridiculous answer to his riddle. However, Alice was absolutely _sure_ that an answer existed.

"Why _is_ a raven like a writing desk?" she asked herself again once her partner in business had left in a carriage. "There just _has_ to be an answer!" Alice stamped her foot.

Now she paced her room, still infatuated with the bothersome question. It was nearly midnight and yet the girl simply couldn't find the urge to rest. Alice muttered incomprehensible grumbles as her slippers began to wear a rut through the carpet. Growling finally rolled off Alice's tongue from utter frustration.

"Oh that silly Hatter!" she finally exclaimed. "It's his own fault for making up a riddle without an answer!" A creak echoed within the room and Alice turned to find a very angry looking maid staring at her with a burning hatred. "Oops," the blonde murmured. Lorelei continued to glare at her younger employer until Alice finally laughed nervously and slipped beneath the covers of her bed. The woman nodded and stormed out of the room, slamming the door on the way. Not until the sound of footsteps faded, did Alice finally let out a sigh.

"Stupid, stupid riddle," she muttered to herself one final time. Her eyelids finally closed over the chocolate orbs.

Now, concerning her previous adventures, you have probably concluded that dreaming is not a healthy thing for this particular woman. Alice would disagree, but this dream was rather… unnerving.

First there was nothing. Alice simply stared into a dark abyss. Then a light suddenly glared into Alice's blue eyes. With a tight squeeze, the twenty-year-old did her best to block out the irritating burst of sunlight. Finally, when she felt it had died down, Alice opened her eyes. Before her laid a battle. It looked to be a chaotic mess from Alice's standpoint, however the knowledge buried within the blond waves said otherwise. Concern meshed with dread consumed Alice's expression. She knew this place.

From her standpoint on a hill, Alice could see everything perfectly. The battle was not normal, for it stood on a checkered floor of black and white. There were white knights with their helmets in the likeness of a horse's head that were mostly on the left side with some stragglers in the middle where they ferociously clashed with their opponents. Those being red flattened looking things with symbols of hearts in different numbers printed into the bloody crimson armor. It was all so familiar, as ridiculous as it sounded.

Finally, a recognizable roar caught Alice's attention by ear. Looking across to the opposite side of the board, (for that is what it was) to find a horrid looking creature atop a ruinous tower. Alice never understood _why_ there were ruins of what seemed to be a watchtower on the edge of the game board. However, at the time, she didn't exactly have time to think about it. For Alice was preoccupied with the creature she mentioned before. The thing was vaguely draconic bodily wise, but its face made it look more like it should've been an aquatic animal. Fins flared out from the sides of its scaly head, and teeth that would've made a beaver feel ashamed of his own incisors jutted over the things lower lip. Alice knew from firsthand experience that the silliness of its overbite was outdone by the fact that they were immensely sharp and were followed by shark-like, razor sharp canines that took the liberty of lining the rest of the slimy mouth. A shiver caused a small earthquake through Alice's slim figure. In hopes that she would never have to see the thing again, Alice had quite affectively blocked out the memories of how close she'd come to being torn apart by those 'beaver teeth'. Memories of the horrifying Jabberwocky.

Alice shivered once more as she recalled the ridiculous name, and decided to instead direct her optics to the battle below her. In horror, Alice suddenly felt sick. She could see Stayne, the conniving, deceitful, most disgusting form of a man (in Alice's personal opinion) crossing blades with the one other humanoid male of Wonderland: Hatter. Without really knowing why, Alice had developed a deep craving to see Hatter again. Of course she would've liked to see everyone else as well, but if Alice was forced to choose only one, Hatter's who she would pick. Needless to say, it wasn't the most comforting thing to watch him fighting who was supposed to be one of the strongest fighters on the opposing side.

Despite that he was winning.

Another roar shook the earth and Alice looked back to the tower. This time Alice only barely managed to keep her supper down, sure that she would be making a mess as soon as she awoke. She could see herself, not as in a mirror, but herself from the past when this event took place, fighting the Jabberwocky. The silver armor gleamed in the sun without a single drop of blood that the other warriors seemed to be covered in. Alice squeezed her eyes shut as she dealt the final blow to the Jabberwocky. She still remembered as the Vorpal sword sank into the scaly flesh of the monstrosity. It was slow and Alice found that she had to saw the sword a little to get through the thick muscle. As much as you'd like to think, you can't just swing a sword and hope to hack something off.

She turned away to the dirt floor as she heard the thumping of the Jabberwocky's head bouncing from stone to stone until it finally hit one final time to the floor. After regaining the confidence that she'd be able to keep whatever meal she'd recently had within the bowels of her stomach, Alice turned back to the chess board. The people had stopped fighting to stare at the severed head in shock. The Red Queen in an attempt to save her crown made a ridiculous excuse to have Alice decapitated, but was ruthlessly ignored by her soldiers. With a smile on her lips, Alice observed as the golden crown that once rested upon the abnormally large head of the queen floated from the crimson tresses. As it traveled across the air, the shape as well as the color changed to silver with sapphire stones imbedded into the metalwork. Finally, its journey ended as the beautiful crown rested on the White Queen's head.

The smile simply grew brighter as the newly redubbed queen banished her elder sister as well as Stayne. Alice even laughed as Hatter preformed the dance he called Fudderwacken. However, everything has an ending. In sorrow, the smile finally disappeared from Alice's features. She watched as the queen glided to the forgotten head of the Jabberwocky and took out a small vile. She held it up to the knife-like teeth and let the fluorescent blood drip into the crystalline bottle.

A tear almost squeezed through Alice's eye as the queen handed her the bottle. Hatter stood behind her, looking forlorn. He really didn't want to see her leave, and to tell the truth, Alice hadn't really wanted to leave either. Still, the twenty year old watched her past self sip the violet liquid and disappear. Practically in tears, Alice shut her eyes to the dream, covering them with her hands as if they were shields. Then the last thing Alice expected to hear reached her eardrums. Someone was laughing.

"Well, dear Alice," a woman's voice spoke from behind her. Alice whipped her head around to see a tall and stately woman standing behind her. She was looking beyond Alice at the game board. It became clear to Alice that she couldn't see her. The woman wore a beautiful black and white gown that was covered with an onyx cloak. However, what really caught Alice's attention was the gorgeous silver crown that stood atop long, pitch black tresses. Clack pearls decorated the exterior of the metal work and diamonds were fixed into the spires of the circlet. This woman was a queen.

"It seems that you've managed to help me," the queen continued. "My dear sister won't be a bother anymore." The black painted lips smiled eerily. She turned and began to stride down the hill with one final comment, "Let the game begin."

Alice awoke with a start. She found her body sticky with sweat, and the one sheet that still remained on the bed had cemented itself to the little bare skin that showed through Alice's nightgown. Shaking her head as if to free the, to Alice, nightmare, she heard a knocking at her door, apparently the reason she woke up.

With a yawn, Alice slid out from the sheet and fetched her robe. Eyes still battling the fog of sleep, she opened the door. Startled, Alice found Lord Ascot standing in front of her. He was still in his own nightwear, with his feet covered by slippers.

"W-what are you doing here at this hour?" Alice asked.

Her colleague sighed as if in spite of himself and with an aggravated voice said, "I have an answer to your riddle."

The young woman blinked in confusion. She had no intention of having Lord Ascot finding an answer to the riddle. The Hatter himself who made the riddle couldn't even find one. However, being the curious girl she was, answered "And what is it?"

With yet another sigh Ascot told her, "Believe it or not, I have actually come up with several. The first being 'they have both been written on', and the second 'they both produce notes although they are very flat, and finally 'the notes for which they are noted are not noted for being musical notes'."

Alice simply blinked again. "How-?"

"I think you yourself are to blame," her friend cut her off, in frustration at himself. "I couldn't stop thinking about that bothersome riddle since I left here this afternoon."

"Oh," Alice looked down at her barren feet, and then laughed. "Well that just proves him wrong then!" she said triumphantly.

The elder man stared at his partner in confusion. "Who are you talking about?"

"Hatter!" Alice told him excitedly as if that solved everything. When Alice saw that her friend didn't understand she elaborated, "The man who made up the riddle. He himself couldn't find an answer."

Ascot was caught off guard. "You mean you already knew that there was no answer?!"

"But there is an answer!" Alice argued with a wide smile, "and you found it!"


	2. Oh Dear Not Again

Hey! Finally, the second chapter is out. I'd like to thank my one reviewer as well as all of those who have faved and alerted this story. I hope it isn't a dissappointment. And I'd like to thank JaseyChevalier for helping me out with this story (she's on quizilla and has some lovely stories that I would definately recommend reading. You can find her here .com/user/jaseychevalier/profile/ ) And I would also like to thank her for my beautiful banner, which you can finde here: .com/stories/17263134/why-is-a-raven-like-a-writing-desk-chpt-2-qoh-dear-not-againq (sorry it's this chapter only on quizilla, but I can't direct you anywhere else unfortunately.)

So, If any of you have suggestions or advice, don't hesitate to tell me. Grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, timing, or advice. I'll take anything you throw at me. (Except insults. I want constructive critism, not flames. Give me advice on how to improve. And that doesn't mean that I'll agree entirely with you either. I will consider what you say, but I might not agree with it.)

With a gasp, Alice sat up so quickly in her bed, her spine cracked in complaint. Once again, her blankets completely fell away from the bed save for the one thin sheet that clung to her sticky skin. This being the result of nightmares. Again.

In irritation, Alice rubbed her soar eyelids and temples. Since she'd been to Wonderland for the third time, her ever present nightmares had left her. That is, until now. It was always the same too. She would find herself on a hilltop, and when she looked down, she would watch the battle between the Red Queen's soldiers and the White Queen's knights. Further away, on a ruinous watch tower, Alice would watch a past version of herself fighting the ever horrid Jabberwocky. When the battle ended, the White Queen would reclaim her crown (courtesy of Chesire) and Hatter would dance. Finally, it would all end with Alice watching herself drink the potion and disappearing.

However, then there was the terrifying woman that would always appear from right behind Alice. Once, Alice looked behind her beforehand, and she had seen no one there. It was clear that the woman was a queen, and very proper and graceful. Although when the queen would mention the Queen of Hearts as her sister, Alice was always caught by surprise. She looked absolutely nothing like her at all!

Instead, she had long, onyx tresses that lay across her back in glorious waves. She must've been nearly six feet tall as well, with a long graceful neck and marble like features. However, her eyes were what really caught Alice's attention. The pupils looked to be of pure obsidian, and they seemed to hide cruelty within them. That, was the only relation Alice could make to the Red Queen: the cruelty.

Now, every night, Alice would awaken from her sleep covered in sweat, and too frightened to try to sleep again. This had been happening ever since Lord Ascot found the answer to Hatter's riddle. That was about three and a half weeks ago. Alice had begun to think that maybe she should talk to someone about her dreams. Only Lorelei so far had any knowledge of them, and that was only because sometimes Alice would awaken with a scream on her lips.

With a groan, Alice looked at the clock that hung on her wall, which had the arrows indicating that it was three twenty-seven in the morning. Alice truly detested waking up so early in the morning that it still counted as the middle of the night. Yet she had been doing so for the past few weeks.

With another sigh, Alice laid her head back onto her pillow in hopes that she might get some actual sleep. It is truly a pity that she didn't, given that for nearly a month, Alice had been having nightmares and all. It seems the poor girl is simply doomed to a sleepless month.

This time, Alice found herself, not by the battlefield, but in a castle. In the garden to be precise. However, the greenery lacked the white trunks of the cherry blossom trees and marble walkways of the White Queen's palace, as well as the strangely shaped bushes and close cut grass that the Red Queen's possessed. No, this one had all sorts of different things. Roses of every color grew in both bushes as well as crawling vines that encircled and attempted to choke obsidian pillars that rose up all throughout the yard. A beautiful pond stretched for about a hundred feet and had willows hanging their branches into the water as if to wash them. Lily pads floated on the surface of the liquid all over the gleaming water, which, without fail, each of them sported a pure white lily on it.

Looking back to the plants, Alice saw that every possible kind of flower was sprouting out of the rich dirt. Bluebells, sunflowers, daisies, tulips, lavender, poppies, trumpet flowers, and anything else you can think of and more. Greedily, Alice drank in the beautiful sight as much as she could. Then she heard the last thing she expected, but probably should have: singing.

Looking back over her shoulder, Alice almost let out a gasp. The woman behind her looked very much like the one she'd seen so many times in her dreams. However, with closer speculation, she realized that the woman was not the queen she'd seen before at all. From what Alice she could see, since she looked to be bent over a plant, she was nearly Alice's age as well as rather short and her skin was pale, but not as pale as the other queen. Her hair was tied at the back of her head, and dark locks fell in little ringlets that Alice only wished she had instead of her frizzy mane. Her song was high pitched and light-hearted. While not the most beautiful voice Alice had ever heard, it was certainly pretty enough to bring a light smile to Alice's lips.

What really got to her though was what the woman was wearing. Not only did not wear a dress, instead she was garbed in what looked to be well worn breeches and a loose, mud-stained cotton shirt, but atop her head, was a silver circlet. It was simple, nothing adorned it. However, in its simplicity, there was power. The humble looking woman in the garden was royalty, just like the queen Alice had seen in her dreams.

Uneasiness crept around in Alice's soul. A mistrust of monarchs had grown within her over the past year. (She really cannot fathom why.) This one, though, seemed harmless. Alice did not want to take any chances though.

"My Queen!" a voice shouted from the other side of Alice. The blond could slightly hear the annoyed sigh that passed through the woman's lips. Masking her displeasure, the queen slid a smile onto her face and addressed the voice.

After having the dream with the other queen for so long, Alice had become accustomed to the fact that no one could see her. Still, she was quite taken aback when a deformed body had run right through her. She didn't even feel anything; he just jogged through Alice as if she were the air itself. Shaking off her shock, Alice looked up at the newcomer as he spoke with the queen. She was surprised to find that it was a flat, rectangular shape. He was a card, like the guards in the Queen of Hearts' castle. However, instead of the bloody red color that the cards had in the Red Queen's palace, this one, had a forest green look to it. Alice could not see the markings of what kind of card it was, for she was facing its back, but she did see the queen's face.

Truly, the woman did look a lot like the queen who had been haunting her dreams for nearly a month. She had the same high cheekbones, the same black lips, but what made it all different, was the eyes. They were not dark and cruel like the others but warm and a deep green. She looked more like the White Queen if anything.

"Are you aware of what day it is?" the guard asked.

"No," the queen answered with a carefree smile. "But I'm sure you'll tell me."

The guard sighed. "How long has it been since you've seen your sisters?" he asked.

"Near a decade I think…" the queen became silent. The guard stared at her, waiting for her to say something else. Alice saw a change in the queen's eyes. They went from carefree and lighthearted, to proud and determined, if a bit scared. She looked the guard straight in the eye and ordered, "Get the troops ready."

The card left without a word, turning back to Alice's direction. The marks on his front surprised her, for they were not hearts. Instead, she saw ten painted clovers. She was so surprised that she forgot to move, and the ten of clubs marched right through her again. Alice shivered and looked back at the queen, who hadn't moved.

The Queen of Clubs looked down at her plants again and sighed, seeming more annoyed and distressed than exited like the other queen. "Let the game begin."

Alice shot up from her bed once again. It was still dark out, and Alice doubted that much time had passed. She wasn't covered in sweat this time, but the cold shiver still remained. She did not understand what was going about in Wonderland, but Alice knew one thing: she needed to find out.

A week later, Alice sat at her mirror with a brush in her hand and a troubled expression on her face. She had told Lorelei that she wanted to be on her own that morning, so she had taken the day off. Alice sighed. In the last week she had tried to get to Wonderland, but she could not find a way. She looked for the rabbit hole in Ascot's garden but found it had disappeared, she looked in her old home's garden and found the hole gone (as it had been for years) as well as the mirror in the foyer which didn't work, she even tried her current garden at home and found nothing there.

As if to make it worse, Alice still had the nightmare of the defeat of the Jabberwocky and the queen behind her. However the Queen of Clubs had not made another appearance. Alice was not sure if she was glad of this or not. That did nothing to change the fact that she still could not shake the feeling that Wonderland needed her help.

Alice sighed again and put the brush down. Covering her face with her hands Alice suppressed the urge to smash her mirror out of frustration.

Which is a very good thing considering what's about to happen.

When Alice looked up, something caught her attention in her mirror. Her eyes widened and she stared at the mirror. "McTwisp?" she muttered in surprise, referring to the white rabbit that was tapping his large pocket watch impatiently by her bed.

Alice turned and found that the fancily-dressed rabbit was not there. Confusion engulfed Alice's expression and she turned back to the mirror. The white rabbit was tapping his foot impatiently by this point and he still looked like he was standing beside Alice's bed. She looked behind her again and there was still no one there. Once again Alice looked to the mirror thinking she was losing whatever was left of her mind.

McTwisp was looking at his watch again and panicking. He looked back up at Alice and motioned for her to hurry, and he disappeared from the view of the mirror. Alice gasped in panic and shouted "Wait!" In fear, she made a grab in the rabbit's direction. It was a very lucky thing that the mirror absorbed her hand, for it would have broken otherwise.

Brown eyes stared at the looking glass in shock, at the arm that had sunken nearly half way through. The glass rippled like water and suddenly Alice understood. After looking around her room to make sure no one else was there, Alice stood up from her chair and lifted herself onto the bureau, not much caring for the few cosmetics that littered the surface. She took a deep breath and plunged the rest of her body through the glass.

Alice did not really know what to expect. Of course she had done something similar years before, but she did not remember much of it. So she was _not_ expecting to see a reversed version of her room. The twenty-year old cocked an eyebrow and looked around, hoping to see the rabbit somewhere close. The only thing she got was a retreating fluffy tail.

As quick as she could, Alice slid off of her dresser and ran out her door (now to her right instead of her left.) McTwisp had already made it down the hall and was running down the stairs. "Wait!" Alice shouted and ran after him as best as she could. The White Rabbit ignored her.

Alice chased her old friend until they reached what should have been her garden, but, to Alice's surprise, it wasn't her garden at all. In confusion Alice looked behind her and found that the door she thought she had just come through was gone, replaced by endless grassland. To the front of her, it was the same. Alice could not even find McTwisp in the knee-high green grass.

"Rabbit?" Alice called, and got no answer. "McTwisp? Where did you go?" No answer came. As Alice walked, she noticed that the grass would flatten at she passed over it. There was no path that was made anywhere else in the field. So Rabbit simply could not have gone through already.

Fearfully, Alice spun around in all directions, making sure that there was truly no one there. There was not even a bottle with the words 'Drink Me' on it. Panic almost seized her heart, but Alice had kept it quelled. She was nearly happy to hear the voices behind her.

"She's here! She's here!" cried a childish voice from behind Alice.

"Hooray! We've waited for ever so long!" said another

Alice turned around to find some of the most frightening people she had ever seen in Wonderland.

Well, I hope you enjoyed it! And I'll be working on the next chapter as quickly as I can. (As soon as I figure out what to do with the next chapter.)


End file.
